I remember talking with someone about the difficulties they were having in their relationship with someone else. They were fed up; exhausted. As they continued to talk it became clear that they couldn't see themselves working with another Christian brother one more day. At the end of their comments they looked at me seemingly for confirmation that they were justified in their conclusion. Yet, the Holy Spirit caused me to see that if they were to accomplish the things that God had ordained for them to accomplish, they would have to be able to withstand much more pressure than they were currently facing.
With as much love as I could muster I told them, "You know God has a lot for you to do and you're not even half way through your journey. Much of what He has for you to do will take much more strength than this. On a scale of 1 to 10, the trouble you're describing is a 4. If you can't handle a 4, how on earth are you going to be able to handle anything higher?"
Years later they would tell me that my comments made them angry, but it helped them to recognize that they had somehow failed to realize that God was using the pressure of that situation to test the determination and resolve of their faith. Today, as I consider what I shared with that person back then, I'm reminded that just three weeks ago I too was struggling with trouble that was a mere 3 or 4 on a scale of 1 - 10. So now I'm asking myself, "Am I strong enough to withstand the pressure?"
Like a heavy-weight boxer whose been hit punch after punch, blow after blow, some of us feel like our legs are weak, our eyes are swollen shut and we're staggering trying with all our might to stay standing until we hear the bell signaling the end of this round. Maybe then we can take a rest in the corner, drink some water, compose ourselves, hear some words of encouragement that will spur us on to swing back in the next round. It's at times like these that some of us may be asking ourselves, "Am I really strong enough to withstand the pressure?"
Naturally my answer is an emphatic, "YES!" What about you? Are you determined to overcome the adversity you may be facing? Chime in and let me know your thoughts.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Vashti Syndrome: When Fear of Abandonment Runs Deep
Fear of abandonment runs deep in many women. That fear is not outside of reason. Women’s anxiety about abandonment is fed by the divorce statistics, which confirm many a man’s tendency to treat his marriage like it is a disposable diaper (though by far men aren't the only ones doing this). The scripture even records such a case in point. As we read Esther chapter one we learn about the plight of queen Vashti. This woman suffered something wives have dreaded for centuries – exile from relationship. Her husband, King Ahasuerus, prepared a feast for all the nobles of the Persian Empire. This feast was so grand that he instructed his servants to “give every man his desire.” This indulgence went on for 180 days. On the seventh day the king in typical male style began bragging about the beauty of his wife. To prove his point he sent his servants after her with instructions for her to return “in the crown royal” so his drunken noble guests could gaze at her.
To his dismay, Vashti refused to come. Scripture does not record her reasoning but most wives would agree that to display your beauty before a group of men you know have been drinking and indulging themselves for seven days, is not a safe place for a beautiful female. When she stood up for herself, against the foolish request of her husband, in anger he exiled and eventually replaced her.
Often as ministers have taught from this text, the focus is placed on how a wife takes a risk when she does not do as her husband asks. Therefore, she should obey her husband. Very few have given attention to the reality that it is unreasonable to expect a wife to display herself before a bunch of drunken men.
Unfortunately, Vashti’s plight is a harsh reality. When wives’ responses cause their husbands great disappointment, many husbands abandon the marriage and replace their wives with someone else they believe will be more accommodating. It is this sad fact that is at the heart of many a wife’s choice to enable her husband’s sinful behavior. What if he is displeased to the point where he divorces me? What if he decides that he will have an affair behind my back? The “what-ifs” produce a Merry-Go-Round within a Merry-Go-Round.
In chapter 2, of my book, Dear God, Please Get Me Off This Merry-Go-Round and Show Me How to Respect an Irresponsible Man, I mentioned the need for wives to maintain personal integrity when their husbands choose to compromise or disobey God's truth. I cannot emphasize enough how vital it is that you keep your life chaste. Do not allow yourself to be deceived. Following your husband’s lead when he is being disobedient to the Lord will not be acceptable to God. Even when we are threatened we need to remember that, it is written that we ought to obey God rather than man (Acts 5:28-29). A believer’s first responsibility is to love God and as a result of that love, obey His Word. When obeying the scripture we must make certain we are looking at God’s Word in context. To say that a woman is obeying God’s Word by appeasing her husband, when he is committing obvious sin, is to take God’s command completely out of context. Though He says, “a wife is concerned about how to please her husband,” He has also said that if your husband does not “obey the word” you may be able to “win him” by your “conversation” or manner of living (I Peter 3:1-4). That manner of living is clearly described as being chaste.
The Greek word interpreted chaste from I Peter 3:4 is the word hagnos which means innocent, clean, and pure. I am sure you agree that there is nothing chaste about lying. Remember, the Holy Spirit can use a wife’s innocent, clean, and pure behavior to create the kind of contrast that will draw attention to areas where her husband’s integrity is lacking. But, if you're more afraid of your husband than God, I want to challenge you to recognize that you're fearing the wrong one!
If you are afraid to stand up to your husband because he may leave you, prepare yourself for inner and outer struggle. As frightening as it may seem, place your husband on the altar of sacrifice. (NO!! I don’t mean kill him. I mean turn your concerns over to the Lord.) Ask the Lord to grant you the courage to stand firm in your convictions. This does not mean that you have to be obstinate. It simply means that you will not be unwise and succumb to intimidating tactics. Choose instead to trust God with the outcome.
Heretofore you may have fumed over how much you are expected to “be a saint” while your mate stubbornly acts like he ain’t. The unmet yearnings in your soul may cause you to wonder, “When is it going to be my turn!” Pain and loss also shout their cries for relief, at any cost. But, don’t let any of those things deter you. Don’t back down. Don’t give in. Stand firm in the conviction of your faith in God. After you have done all you know to do in your standing, continue, despite how bad things look, to stand in the righteousness of your faith in Christ. Understand that you are not to act like a virtuous woman. You need to be a virtuous woman.
Next post, Will the REAL Virtuous Woman Please Stand Up!
Serving You with God's love and mine,
Christina Dixon
Author of How to Respect an Irresponsible Man!
Copyright © 2001, 2004 Christina Dixon. All rights reserved worldwide. Excerpt from How to Respect an Irresponsible Man. Used by permission.
To his dismay, Vashti refused to come. Scripture does not record her reasoning but most wives would agree that to display your beauty before a group of men you know have been drinking and indulging themselves for seven days, is not a safe place for a beautiful female. When she stood up for herself, against the foolish request of her husband, in anger he exiled and eventually replaced her.
Often as ministers have taught from this text, the focus is placed on how a wife takes a risk when she does not do as her husband asks. Therefore, she should obey her husband. Very few have given attention to the reality that it is unreasonable to expect a wife to display herself before a bunch of drunken men.
Unfortunately, Vashti’s plight is a harsh reality. When wives’ responses cause their husbands great disappointment, many husbands abandon the marriage and replace their wives with someone else they believe will be more accommodating. It is this sad fact that is at the heart of many a wife’s choice to enable her husband’s sinful behavior. What if he is displeased to the point where he divorces me? What if he decides that he will have an affair behind my back? The “what-ifs” produce a Merry-Go-Round within a Merry-Go-Round.
In chapter 2, of my book, Dear God, Please Get Me Off This Merry-Go-Round and Show Me How to Respect an Irresponsible Man, I mentioned the need for wives to maintain personal integrity when their husbands choose to compromise or disobey God's truth. I cannot emphasize enough how vital it is that you keep your life chaste. Do not allow yourself to be deceived. Following your husband’s lead when he is being disobedient to the Lord will not be acceptable to God. Even when we are threatened we need to remember that, it is written that we ought to obey God rather than man (Acts 5:28-29). A believer’s first responsibility is to love God and as a result of that love, obey His Word. When obeying the scripture we must make certain we are looking at God’s Word in context. To say that a woman is obeying God’s Word by appeasing her husband, when he is committing obvious sin, is to take God’s command completely out of context. Though He says, “a wife is concerned about how to please her husband,” He has also said that if your husband does not “obey the word” you may be able to “win him” by your “conversation” or manner of living (I Peter 3:1-4). That manner of living is clearly described as being chaste.
The Greek word interpreted chaste from I Peter 3:4 is the word hagnos which means innocent, clean, and pure. I am sure you agree that there is nothing chaste about lying. Remember, the Holy Spirit can use a wife’s innocent, clean, and pure behavior to create the kind of contrast that will draw attention to areas where her husband’s integrity is lacking. But, if you're more afraid of your husband than God, I want to challenge you to recognize that you're fearing the wrong one!
If you are afraid to stand up to your husband because he may leave you, prepare yourself for inner and outer struggle. As frightening as it may seem, place your husband on the altar of sacrifice. (NO!! I don’t mean kill him. I mean turn your concerns over to the Lord.) Ask the Lord to grant you the courage to stand firm in your convictions. This does not mean that you have to be obstinate. It simply means that you will not be unwise and succumb to intimidating tactics. Choose instead to trust God with the outcome.
Heretofore you may have fumed over how much you are expected to “be a saint” while your mate stubbornly acts like he ain’t. The unmet yearnings in your soul may cause you to wonder, “When is it going to be my turn!” Pain and loss also shout their cries for relief, at any cost. But, don’t let any of those things deter you. Don’t back down. Don’t give in. Stand firm in the conviction of your faith in God. After you have done all you know to do in your standing, continue, despite how bad things look, to stand in the righteousness of your faith in Christ. Understand that you are not to act like a virtuous woman. You need to be a virtuous woman.
Next post, Will the REAL Virtuous Woman Please Stand Up!
Serving You with God's love and mine,
Christina Dixon
Author of How to Respect an Irresponsible Man!
Copyright © 2001, 2004 Christina Dixon. All rights reserved worldwide. Excerpt from How to Respect an Irresponsible Man. Used by permission.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Irresponsibility Epidemic - Part 2
I know that respecting an irresponsible person is the exact opposite of what we are familiar with, but Colossians 4:6 challenges us to let our conversation always be full of grace and seasoned with salt. Since grace is favor that we receive even though we don’t deserve it, this scripture implies that how we treat others is not to be based on what we feel they deserve; especially since all of us have come short of God’s glory. This means that the only thing any of us deserves is death, hell, and the grave.
Too often we feel comfortable devaluing others because of their irresponsible behavior. Just like a $100 bill does not decrease in value because it has been handled by people with dirty hands and then stepped on, likewise the value of irresponsible people before God is not lessened because of their irresponsibility. And since we know that salt contains properties that preserve, enhance, and melt we are challenged by this scriptural instruction to make certain that our conversation and behavior does all it can to preserve the relationship without the ungodly tools of manipulation and pacification, enhance the relationship by choosing to only speak those things that edify (see Ephesians 4:29), all the while warming their hearts by the consistent expression of the Fruit of the Spirit; especially gentleness and kindness. Doing these things will cause us to increase in maturity as we walk with God. But don't forget, asking our Heavenly Father to empower us to embrace these truths as we obey His Word - is a must.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Irresponsbility Epidemic
Irresponsibility has gotten ridiculous and grown to epidemic proportions. The latest news regarding Senator John Edwards and my own mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, who just keeps making one irresponsible choice after another, are testaments to this disheartening reality. Since I wrote How to Respect an Irresponsible Man,
I have had others ask me, "How in the world can anyone respect an irresponsible man? Why would anyone want to?"
Contrary to popular belief, respect does NOT have to be earned. Because of my faith as a Christian, I believe I (and my fellow Christians) must remember that mankind is created in the image of God. When we cannot find behavior worthy of respect in our politicians, mates, children, co-workers, employers, etc., we must be respectful based on the reality that of all the life forms God created, mankind is the only one in which God chose to imbed His image. This alone makes ALL humanity worthy of respect.
For the next four weeks, I'm going to talk about irresponsibility and how respecting irresponsible people is the best response we can have. Chime in and let me know your thoughts.
I have had others ask me, "How in the world can anyone respect an irresponsible man? Why would anyone want to?"
Contrary to popular belief, respect does NOT have to be earned. Because of my faith as a Christian, I believe I (and my fellow Christians) must remember that mankind is created in the image of God. When we cannot find behavior worthy of respect in our politicians, mates, children, co-workers, employers, etc., we must be respectful based on the reality that of all the life forms God created, mankind is the only one in which God chose to imbed His image. This alone makes ALL humanity worthy of respect.
For the next four weeks, I'm going to talk about irresponsibility and how respecting irresponsible people is the best response we can have. Chime in and let me know your thoughts.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
When Desire Rises Up
As we sat around the table, multiple conversations going at once, I couldn't help but hear a couple of the ladies talking about the decisions they made to eliminate red meat and pork from their diets. When the conversation came to me my personal truth came out.
"When it comes to that topic, I only know two things. 1) When I smell bacon fryin' desire rises up! 2) When I smell steak grillin' desire rises up!" The room bursted into laughter as various ones chimed in that they could identify with me. I must confess that at the time I was simply being honest.
But since then, the Holy Spirit has challenged me to examine how often I allow my desires to dictate my choices.
As I examine the implications of allowing desire to simply rise up, I am challenged to accept that there are times when unchecked desire is no laughing matter. How do you handle unchecked desire? Share your thoughts.
"When it comes to that topic, I only know two things. 1) When I smell bacon fryin' desire rises up! 2) When I smell steak grillin' desire rises up!" The room bursted into laughter as various ones chimed in that they could identify with me. I must confess that at the time I was simply being honest.
But since then, the Holy Spirit has challenged me to examine how often I allow my desires to dictate my choices.
As I examine the implications of allowing desire to simply rise up, I am challenged to accept that there are times when unchecked desire is no laughing matter. How do you handle unchecked desire? Share your thoughts.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Return on God's Investment
Here we are approaching the second half of 2008 and many of us are desperately trying to maintain the excitement we began the year with. At the beginning of the year God spoke to our hearts and we walked away convinced that this is our year! But since that time, many are becoming discouraged as the headlines speak of major banks failing, gas prices continue to rise with no end in sight, all while home owners around the country go into foreclosure.
NEVERTHELESS, we must maintain our resolve. Our health, well being and prosperity are not determined by what the stock market or the government says. 2008 holds much return on the investments our Lord has made in us! Our God is still able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or even think. Join me as I continue to persevere in faith. This is not the time to have a crisis in confidence. This is the time to put our trust in our God, Who is More Than Enough!
Father,Thank You for allowing Your people the opportunity to shine even brighter during this season. We begin this year filled with anticipation about the things we see You doing on our behalf. You have made an investment in us and have given us a glimpse of the plans You want to work through us in the earth. Help us to recognize that You have also given us the responsibility of taking an active role in creating a return on Your investment. With the discouraging information in the news media regarding the stock market, it could be easy to lose sight of the truth that You have ordained Your people to walk in Your love, joy, peace, and abundance. Remind us that as a Wise Investor, You don't make foolish choices or uncalculated risks. In spite of what our eyes see, You have prepared a table before us, even in the presence of our enemies. Help us to keep this embedded in our hearts when we encounter struggles. Just because we experience difficulty does not mean You have not provided. As we set our hearts to do Your Will may the wisdom of Your Kingdom be revealed in greater measure before the kingdoms of this world as we bring You 30, 60, and 100 fold returns on Your investments in us this year. In Jesus' name, Amen!
Now, what investments has God made in you that you're expecting a return from this year?
NEVERTHELESS, we must maintain our resolve. Our health, well being and prosperity are not determined by what the stock market or the government says. 2008 holds much return on the investments our Lord has made in us! Our God is still able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or even think. Join me as I continue to persevere in faith. This is not the time to have a crisis in confidence. This is the time to put our trust in our God, Who is More Than Enough!
Father,Thank You for allowing Your people the opportunity to shine even brighter during this season. We begin this year filled with anticipation about the things we see You doing on our behalf. You have made an investment in us and have given us a glimpse of the plans You want to work through us in the earth. Help us to recognize that You have also given us the responsibility of taking an active role in creating a return on Your investment. With the discouraging information in the news media regarding the stock market, it could be easy to lose sight of the truth that You have ordained Your people to walk in Your love, joy, peace, and abundance. Remind us that as a Wise Investor, You don't make foolish choices or uncalculated risks. In spite of what our eyes see, You have prepared a table before us, even in the presence of our enemies. Help us to keep this embedded in our hearts when we encounter struggles. Just because we experience difficulty does not mean You have not provided. As we set our hearts to do Your Will may the wisdom of Your Kingdom be revealed in greater measure before the kingdoms of this world as we bring You 30, 60, and 100 fold returns on Your investments in us this year. In Jesus' name, Amen!
Now, what investments has God made in you that you're expecting a return from this year?
Friday, April 18, 2008
Has It Happened to You?
Interruptions can be so irritating.
The other day I went to a website expecting to quickly obtain some information, and update my social networking page and without warning my computer screen froze. Not because my system was too slow or about to crash, nor was it because my computer has a virus. It is because some company decided that I'd still want to do business with them after they had held me hostage for 30 seconds to watch their commercial. I find it interesting that no matter how consumers try to escape commercials, ad agencies still insist on horning their way in on time we have no intention of giving them.
Although I've never used Netflix, I can tell you without reservation that I'm less inclined to ever consider it now. I was thoroughly upset that there wasn't a close button offering me the option to close the commercial before it ran completely. But then I got to thinking, life is that way at times.
Not long ago I had an unexpected health crisis. Before I knew it, I was in the hospital. After they discharged me it took several days before I felt like myself again. My life was on hold for over a week and I didn't like it at all. Have you ever had any life experiences that caused you to feel like you were being held hostage without an option?
There's no way around it. Unexpected crises, sudden occurrences, interruptions or any other unforeseen activities are simply a part of life. It's at those times when changing the circumstances is not an option, that we must decide what attitude we will have as we navigate through them. I must confess that my being anxious and annoyed about this interruption in my daily routine was a flashing caution light on the dashboard of my life. It pointed out that I live a more self-focused life than I had believed. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but sometimes my behavior implies that I think it does. I don't like that. I'm going to change it. What about you? How have you been navigating the interruptions in your life?
The other day I went to a website expecting to quickly obtain some information, and update my social networking page and without warning my computer screen froze. Not because my system was too slow or about to crash, nor was it because my computer has a virus. It is because some company decided that I'd still want to do business with them after they had held me hostage for 30 seconds to watch their commercial. I find it interesting that no matter how consumers try to escape commercials, ad agencies still insist on horning their way in on time we have no intention of giving them.
Although I've never used Netflix, I can tell you without reservation that I'm less inclined to ever consider it now. I was thoroughly upset that there wasn't a close button offering me the option to close the commercial before it ran completely. But then I got to thinking, life is that way at times.
Not long ago I had an unexpected health crisis. Before I knew it, I was in the hospital. After they discharged me it took several days before I felt like myself again. My life was on hold for over a week and I didn't like it at all. Have you ever had any life experiences that caused you to feel like you were being held hostage without an option?
There's no way around it. Unexpected crises, sudden occurrences, interruptions or any other unforeseen activities are simply a part of life. It's at those times when changing the circumstances is not an option, that we must decide what attitude we will have as we navigate through them. I must confess that my being anxious and annoyed about this interruption in my daily routine was a flashing caution light on the dashboard of my life. It pointed out that I live a more self-focused life than I had believed. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but sometimes my behavior implies that I think it does. I don't like that. I'm going to change it. What about you? How have you been navigating the interruptions in your life?
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